SAVE YOURSELF Blackberry Butter Recipe

This isn't healthy.

Not in a "oh this has 17 grams of sugar per BLAH Blah blah..." way. It's unhealthy in a "and that's when Timmy stole grandma's motorized wheelchair to support his habit" kind of way.

It's a healthy plant-based product in the same way cocaine is a healthy plant-based product, which is to say; not at all.

You've been warned.

Like a lot of things you shouldn't do, it can be reproduced at home with mostly common ingredients:

  • 4 cups brown sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup butter (melted)
  • 8 eggs
  • 2 lemons, juiced
  • 4 cups blackberry juice

The hardest ingredient to get is blackberry juice. If you're in the Seattle area, you can find abundant blackberries from late July until the end of August. Pick three liters of them, submerge in fresh cold water for an hour, rinse and pack them into your blender.

Pulse on LOW SPEED until all the berries are burst and you have a liquid. Strain in a wire mesh colander, scraping the inside with a spoon until you have your 4 cups blackberry juice. If you blend like I blend, your kitchen may look like a crime scene. Discard seed pulp, or smear yourself with it and terrify your children.

Melt butter, and set aside until cool. Rinse out your blender jar, and add the 8 eggs, 4 cups sugar, and 1/2 tsp salt. Blend until smooth. Add all of your ingredients to a heavy bottomed pot, and STIR CONSTANTLY over medium heat until it reaches a boil. You'll want to use at least a 6 quart pot, as it will bubble up significantly.

When it boils, keep stirring. You want to reduce it by almost 1/3, concentrating the flavor and making it nice and gooey. Mine took 20 minutes. Be sure to scrape the bottom as you stir so the sugar doesn't burn.

When it's done, put it in jars and immediately give it all away. Don't even lick the spoon, or you won't be able to stop. Save yourself.

On a completely unrelated note, it is possible for one to chip one's tooth while attempting to reach the base of a wide mouth glass pint jar with one's tongue.

Keep refrigerated up to 4 weeks, I think. Mine is all gone. To friends.

Photo by the amazing Brooke Fitts

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